I think your husband’s a real asshole, and other choice phrases from my family

My Grammy walked up to me yesterday afternoon, almost as soon as I walked in the door to my Aunt’s house, and said just as matter of factly as is possible “Jenny, I just have to tell you that I think your husband is a real asshole.”

My Aunt called my Father this afternoon to let him know that there were some sandwiches in the fridge so that when they got back to the house we could have some lunch. Then she goes on to explain in detail that some of the sandwiches are already made up in the fridge, but that if you pull out the sandwiches that are not made up, there is some sandwich meat in the drawer, and you should get that out and make sandwiches, then proceeds to go on about how to make a sandwich including getting a knife out of the drawer to spread mayonnaise or mustard on your sandwich, etc., etc. To which my cousin Courtney replied “we can all read, so I’m pretty sure we can all make a sandwich.”

My Grammy is going blind, it’s really awful, but does my family skirt around the issue? Act like she’s totally fine? Help her out in her time of need? Nooooo. Well they are very helpful and take very good care of her, but not at the expense of a good joke. I loved it when my aunt made the announcement that the buffet was open for dinner tonight and that she would like Grammy to go first and my cousin chimes in with “It’s to your left in case you couldn’t see it.”

I was taken a bit off guard when Grammy was packing her bag for the evening to go sleep at my aunt’s house and I asked if she had gotten everything she needed- then proceeding to go over the list of things you might pack—shirt, shoes, underwear, bra—“I don’t wear bras anymore, I wore them for 80 years and I don’t want to wear them anymore.” To which my father responded TMI.

Basically my weekend has been filled with crass remarks and off-handed jokes and I love being around it all.