The crazies at work

We all work with crazy people, people who just operate differently from us. But in God's eyes, we were all created to be unique creatures, different flowers of one garden we say. Here are a few tales...

D.P. My favorite. When one of her attorneys come down for a meeting and I have provided some sort of food, you will find her on the floor, uninvited with a red rope (expandable file folder which all law firms use to hold files). What is she doing with this red rope? Filling it with food from the buffet of the meeting which her attorney is in! She doesn't ask for a plate or a to-go container, she just brings down a file folder, stuffs a sandwich and some pickle spears in it and goes back up the elevator like nothing ever happened. She's a loon.

The Wanderer. Here's another one with a bit of a clepto issue. She's a partner- PARTNER at the biggest law firm in Texas, if not the whole friggin' country. She has one of the coveted corner offices, which means she's really important. Which corner office do they give her you ask? Oh, the one overlooking my Conference Center. The woman "wanders" into the Conference Center at all times of the day, strolling as quietly as she can down the marble floor, in heels, then slowly opens the door to a meeting room, steals a coaster, and walks back to her desk. She does this every day. I wish I could go into her office and do a reconnaissance mission. I bet I would find ice scoops and diet cokes and internet cables all in a drawer. And what does she need them for? I don't know. My boss has even caught her going to someone else's buffet lunch, grabbing a hand full of chips and walking back to her office with them. How tacky. I sometimes think about what her house is like. Probably filled with all sorts of crap she has lifted all over the place.

Lanners- well she, like the previous two, has a food problem. But this is not what I am going to talk about. Instead I am going to talk about her incessant tardiness. Although it wouldn't be so bad if she didn't work with my good friend at work and call BJ every morning on her way in to leave her an extended voicemail all about why she is late. I believe that BJ doesn't bother answering when she calls anymore because it's way more fun to let her leave the message so she can then forward the message to me and we can both be entertained. Each morning between 9:30 and 10am I receive an email from BJ with the "excuse of the day" voicemail attached. Today's message was "Uhm, I'm going to be late because I cut my foot on some glass and had to have stitches and it doesn't matter what I do, I just can't seem to get to work on time...." and it goes on and on. BJ has been tempted on many occasion to say "how about if you are going to be in before 10am you call- otherwise, I'll expect you at your usual time." Among our other favorites "Uhm, Sugar (her dog) swallowed some poison and I have to taker her to the vet" and "Uhm, I have an emergency dentist visit so I'll be there when I can" and then there is always a weekly food poisoning episode, which usually involves someone poisoning her food on purpose. We've decided to start a coffee table book "101 excuses for being late to work." I think it could be a best seller.

I work in an office of about 1,000 people so there are so many others, but these are the daily crazies that have become characters in my life. Don't forge the guy with the "2 dozen warm glazed donuts from Shipley's" he was in a meeting today, and yes he had his donuts.