My new schedule

6:15am- Wakeup
7:30am- Arrive at work
4:00pm- Leave work
4:30pm- Arrive home for nap
8:30pm- Wake up call from Julia with plans for the evening
10:00pm- Meet up with the Motley Crew for wine and snacks (I of course having water)
12:00am- Arrive at 2610 VIP style to dance until close
2:00am- Leave 2610
2:30am- Arrive home for second nap

And then do it all over again. This is the phase of my YOP I call "who needs sleep and food?" Both are pretty much absent right now.

What I love about you

*1 grain of salt on your right cheek after downing a shot
*You + jeans
*You being the man that you are- taking hold of your life and aiming for success every time
*Smoking hookah nightly
*Your standards
*Your sense of responsibility for your actions
*Your neuroses about tomatoes and germs
*Your driving
*Your messy plate at the end of a meal
*Your eyes
*You requirement to be relaxed
*Your convictions
*Your niceness and gentlemanliness

But I will never say these things to you, I will only post them here for others to read-- my only effort in putting them out into the universe.

Conspiracy Theory

I strongly believe that the flu shot is one big conspiracy theory. Like the government scares you into thinking that there's this horrible thing out there called the FLU and you should take this vaccination to be sure to not catch it. And...you can only get it from a government approved entity. And...sometimes there is going to be a shortage, just to throw the whole country and the media into a frenzy! You know, switch it up and create a demand and supply imbalance so that next year everyone will have a ridiculous desire to run out and get the flu shot as soon as they release the new version to fight against this year's mutated strand. Let it be known that I will never get a flu shot, and never will.

And now they've moved on tomatoes. OHHHH, that'll get the American public good. A tomato debacle in the middle of the summer. Salmonella no less. Wait remember when we were all kids and weren't allowed to eat cookie dough batter because we could die from salmonella poisoning? Do you know anyone in your school who died from eating cookie dough? I don't. I also don't know anyone who died from eating tomatoes in the last 2 weeks. I am totally rebelling against the fear of tomatoes that the government and media have created for us by buying as many as I can (reasonable for one person) and making sure that every dish I order in a restaurant has them, including the tomato only Caprese Salad if one is available on the menu.

Suffocated no more

I took a nap this afternoon, and as I woke up, I felt something on my back. I was hot and felt suffocated. And while I hadn't had bad dreams and felt comfortable the entire time I was sleeping, it was there. And it was so real. I realized that it was the feeling I used to have when Person A would hold me down to keep me by his side. He insisted on being right by my side at all times. But for me, not in a good way...more in a controlling way. He felt better when he could control me. When he could prove that he could overpower me physically. He never laid a violent hand on me, but there was always an underlying control factor for him. I always felt like he wanted to control my every action, but knew that there was a line that I would not tolerate. The feeling was so vivid this afternoon that I actually had a moment of panic that maybe I had left the front door unlocked and he had actually snuck in while I was sleeping. I didn't move a muscle until I was fully conscious, as I used to when we were living together. I would avoid confronting the situation as long as I could by faking sleep.

A wave of fear came over me, I have been afraid of him for so long. And I don't think I will stop until everything is final.

YOP Purgatory

I never should have embarked on this journey. I knew from the start. But you know when something is so tempting that you cannot help yourself? Like when you know you should have 2 eggs over easy with wheat toast instead of French toast stuffed with Mascarpone cheese and raspberries drizzled with maple syrup and sprinkled with powdered sugar.

This is a test all the rest is irrelevant.

I need to realize that for the next 6 months, I need to be alone. As if I am in some sort of YOP purgatory. And why is it that I can't be in YOP bliss?

And why did I tell anyone about this situation? I should just keep things to myself. Little secrets often times have a chance of coming true.

Authenticity

I had a convo with my BFF today about authenticity. I'm sorry people but I embody the word. If I like you, I will give you my all. If I have a strong repugnance to you, my heart cannot be around you.

So I've realized that I am an authentic person living in an un-authentic world. The majority of people out there cannot seem to handle it. And so I will probably spend most days and nights of my life alone for the sheer reason that I tell what is on my mind and in my heart. As my motto says: my soul is the one thing I cannot compromise. I just can't stop being me. I can't stop the way I lead my interactions with people. But I wonder sometimes if I am so in the minority, should I try to change? It can be so frustrating at times... to see the look on a person's face when I have just slapped them with my reality and then feel I have to narrate what I just said for minutes on end to help them understand the dose I have just given them. I feel like my mom has this trouble sometimes as well. And so I think I have inherited it.

New favorites

My new favorite text message:
"Good Morning Miss Beautiful"

My new favorite comment made to me:
"Well, we are just going to make sure you get to yoga class and rest and relax and get rid of that (Lupus)"

I could have danced all night

So, I've been hanging out with this new group of people. Let me lay out the characters for you...

Julia- The restaurant manager of the hot new restaurant in Mid-Town
Sal- Her male BFF who apparently has more money than any of us can fathom
Zack- the crazy half Syrian half Sicilian (yes he's insane) who drives a $200,000 Hot Yellow Porsche, who owns his own string of restaurants in Houston

So Julia and I are similar in the respect that she and I are both totally obsessed with food, catering and events. We thrive on it, never want to do anything differently. She and I are also similar in that we have very few people in our core group of friends. She and I of which are now in each others. The four of us spend every waking moment at Julia's restaurant, eating and drinking (well, they drink, I have sparkling water). And when the restaurant closes, we go out--any given night of the week. Yes, we stay out until 2am on Wednesdays. The beautiful thing about this pattern we've gotten ourselves into is that I don't have to be at home alone anymore. I'm always out with the crazies. I love Julia to death, she's always got something going on. We talk and talk and talk and hash every situation that comes up in either of our lives. We never get tired of it. We are also constant reminders to each other of what we don't need or want in our lives. And I'm thankful for that.

Sal is the friggin' nicest person I have met in a long time. He and Julia used to "date" but are now BFF. They spend all day on the phone and hanging out. Of course Sal owns his own business so he can "work" when he wants and not work if he doesn't want to. But he's so great about it. And humble. I have yet to go to his house, but I imagine it to be one of these places where he has Staff to maintain. It's fun pulling up to a club in a ridiculous car with a license plate that simply says "SAL" and the valet clears out for us. The fact that he has lots of money really does not matter to me, it's just fascinating to me, and a life I know I will never live. I have to say, I would like Sal regardless if he was wealthy or not.

Zack is insane. Anyone who drives a florescent lemon yellow 2 seater Porsche is crazy. But he's all love. And he now loves Julia. After a month of courting her, she finally agreed to go out with him and they have been in bliss (almost) ever since. They are both so combative, that they fight, and push each other's point until they both are talking over each other saying "that's what I'm saying babe" to each other, realizing that they aren't actually arguing, but reinforcing what the other is saying and then they are kissing to make up. It's hilarious, and definitely keeps Sal and I entertained.

Oh and Zack and Sal are long time friends as well. It's a crazy circle this one. Not sure how long I'm going to be able to keep up with all of the shenanigans, but it sure is fun and entertaining while it's going on.

So last night we all met up at 10 to eat at Zack's restaurant. Julia and Zack fighting, Sal and I just laughing at them. Then on to dancing. I danced for over 2 hours solid in 4 inch heals. I am a professional. It was so fun. I love being in a club and not caring, oh and I looked so good last night. Then Sal and I ended the night smoking cigars and heading home at 3am. It was just a much needed perfectly fun evening. I'm so appreciative of this new gift I've been given. These people to fill my time and space with something other than work and sleep.

Another song for the soundtrack of my year

Break Your Heart- Barenaked Ladies

The bravest thing I've ever done
Was to run away and hide
But not this time, not this time
And the weakest thing I've ever done
Was to stay right by your side
Just like this time, and every time
I couldn't tell you I was happy when you were gone
So I lied and said that I missed you when we were apart
I couldn't tell you, so I had to lead you on
But I didn't mean to break your heart

And if I always seem distracted
Like my minds somewhere else
That's because it's true, yes it's true
it's this stupid pride that makes me feel
Like I have to follow through
Even half-assedly, loving you
Why must I always speak in terms of cowardice?
When I guess I should have just come out and told you right from the start
Why must I always tell you all I want is this?
I guess 'cause I didn't want to break your heart

And you said
What'd you think that I was gonna do,
Curl up and die just because of you?
I'm not that weak, you know
What'd you think that I was gonna do,
Try to make you love me as much as I love you?
How could you be so low?
You arrogant man,
What do you think that I am?
My heart will be fine
Just stop wasting my time

And now I'm over you, I'll be OK,
and that I've got what I want,
and that's rid of you
Bye
And it's not 'cause I'll be missing you
That makes me fall apart
It's just that I didn't mean to break
No I didn't mean to break
No I didn't mean to break
Your heart

Life in the big city can be lonely

Last week I took a great trip to Nashville to visit my girls (as seen in photos below). I had a relaxing time with lots of hookah, sleep and scrabble. But then I have to fly back to my real life. And so I board the plane as I have so many times over the last 18 months to fly home from a destination that I have escaped to. Only this time, I got off of the plane and walked the lonely walk to my car parked in long-term parking, and realized that there was not one person in Houston to call who actually cared that I made it home safely. No family, no significant other, no best friend. And I also realized that at this moment in time, I am no body's "Number 1", no body's first priority. I could pretty much fall out of the sky and the only people who would notice are those at work when they realize that Conference Room 25C has no lunch. Then the lonely feeling got even worse when I realized that my entire purpose here is to work. All I do is work and come home to sleep. Now I'm even more depressed, like who cares? What does work get you anyway? Nothing but paying bills. And there's another situation I'm in...every dime of every paycheck goes to bills right now. Not by any fault of my own, not that I've wracked up a boat load of debt which I'm now trying to get out from under. No, I'm just paying for a lifestyle for two with one income. And now the new plasma tv and the black leather couch you just bought are pissing me off to no end. The fact that I just had to replace the fence in the back yard and buy a new hot water heater just to keep going is really chapping my ass.

So I spent the last week in a horrible mood, waking up on the wrong side of the bed every morning, to the point where the grouchy member of my staff even said to me "Jen when are you going to be out of this bad mood?"

And all I want to do is run away. Sell everything and run away. Start over in a new place, with new priorities, and new friends and hopefully a new significant other.

Until then you can find me in bed, away from everything.

Pumpkin jam, RL we want photos, etc...

I wanted to give a shout out to my friends up in Minneapolis and Owosso who are looking for Pumpkin Jam. Hope you find some.

So why is it that I am working until God only knows what time tonight? Oh that would be because I have no one to go home to, I'm broke after my shoe escapade in Nashville, and the fact that VE pays me an exorbidant amount of money to babysit clients late at night. It's sort of a win, win, win situation. Afterall, if I'm at work, I can't possibly take care of the matter at hand that I am totally avoiding and putting off as long as I possibly can. Another win.

So I have almost eliminated sugar from my diet completely. After the binge of last weekend and the fact that there are no Sixletes around is helping my cause. I will, however, have to partake in the yummy bread pudding my caterer brought tonight for dessert--it's just too good to pass up.

I'd like to join in on Gold Reeves campaign for fabulous photos from this past weekend. Ha!


I went to the dentist today and he shot me up with novacain at 4:37pm. And at 8:54pm I'm still drinking out of a straw.

Jen N-M, you are ambitious. 112 things. I can't even think of more than 14 at a time.

This weekend I realized...

It's so refreshing to walk barefoot in the grass
The sleeping mask is your friend
Croquet is difficult and maybe should be considered as an Olympic sport
I love Sixletes
I need more fun in my life
If I let go of Double B's I'll have no one to love
I want a chalkboard wall in my kitchen
I'm addicted, as if I wasn't before, to Scrabulous
Hookah is delish
Dinner is the most overrated meal of the day
A little madness makes the world go round
I'm not really into living in Houston anymore
I have been totally inspired to not eat sugar anymore
I like staying up late and sleeping half the day
I never thanked Court for the gift of smashed avocado on toast- thank you
I really want to go see Jen N-M and Baby Ben, Cori and Baby to Be too
I want to eat banana pancakes with you
I love this photo taken by the fabulous Rachel Dere and her magnificent assistant Ryan Lash

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday to one of my favorite people in the UNIVERSE.



Gold Reeves and I met over 8 years ago, and have been inseparable ever since. Despite the physical distance, our hearts and souls are always connected. She and I will have reunion through all the Worlds of God.

Down the Rabbit Hole

That's where I've been all evening. Through the looking glass, down the rabbit hole at the Mad Hatter's Tea Party.


"There's no room, no room, no room." There was actually room for all tonight. The house was full of people all lovin' on each other! The scene was wacky and mad.





The scene is still wacky and mad at 2am. Devy's goal is 9am for bed time, not sure how successful we will all be considering everything we've been exposed to tonight.

I lived this week thanks to you!