New Standard

I figured out the new standard- if my level of enthusiasm about you doesn't meet the enthusiasm I have for Cute D, you are probably not for me. And if your enthusiasm for me doesn't meet or exceed the enthusiasm that Cute D shows toward me, then I'm definitely not right for you.

Also, the moon was half full yesterday. No madness should have been happening in all of our lives.

What was the moon?

What phase was the moon in tonight? I need to know because all of the people who are near and dear to my heart had a a horrible day.

Gaz, what is goin' on, I don't know what happened, but I'm sorry to hear you were in bed at 9:15pm

Court, your tummy hurt and then my Ayyam-i-Ha package didn't arrive as scheduled

Cute D, not doin' so hot this morning, anxiety all day, refusing phone calls, but thank God for church rejuvenation

Me, cried here and there all day, woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and for no good reason

OK, J! and KK you get the prize for not having a bad day.

I'm going to bed to end my bad day once and for all-- since Gaz, Court and Cute D are already there.

What to write...

OK, so Mr. Anonymous Cute D, you are anonymous no more. He's the one on the right...



FYI- I am the one reaping all of the benefit of you being so great!

KK begged me to blog tonight, and so I have been racking my brain on what to blog about. I feel so boring right now. I have no idea, but here goes...

Gaz sent me this awful thing from You Tube all about how ewwww the lemon slices that you get on your ice tea in a restaurant are. I'll spare you the clip, but just know that you probably shouldn't ask for a lemon on your ice tea in a restaurant.

I had drinks (well I didn't have a drink, I had club soda with lime) with Juliet, Wes and KK tonight. What a blast. I totally miss those guys. And I told them all about it. I miss having a ton of people to talk to at work. And lunch dates everyday. Actually, how about we all give it up for a lunch break- which I never have anymore. Someone to cry with when I need it. 30 minute coffee breaks morning and afternoon. Political and sports word exchanges constantly. Ahhh what a life.

If you've been checking me out on Facebook, you know that I've been wrapping Ayyam-i-Ha presents for two days now. Well add a third because I'm spending this evening doing more. It's never ending. Of course, if you know me, you know that I LOVE IT!!! Let me wrap. Better yet, let me bake. I love baking, never take time out to do it, but I love it. For those of you who have been hanging around for a while, you know what is coming to you tomorrow on your desk. For those of you who don't, it will be a whole new surprise.

I remembered that I love the song "The Old Apartment" by BNL. It's such a rocky love song. Drudges up good old memories too!

I am well aware that it is like 2 months after Christmas, but I just found these great pictures I took while at my aunt's house for the Holiday. Plus this totally cracks me up because my dad is so funny. So over my aunt's sink she has these little cut out houses that sit in her window sill, each has its own letter--N O E L. Of course it's supposed to say NOEL. But when my dad arrives on Christmas Eve, he immediately rearranges the letters, in stealth mode of course. So each morning during our stay the letters spell something different like---LEON, or LONE, or ONE L. It cracked me up today because I took a photo with my phone each morning and I just found them again.

I guess I should update you on some goals I made a couple of months ago with Maz and Gaz.

1. Read: Eat, pray, love- reading it now. It's good. If you are going through a bad breakup and don't know why, read it.
2. Invite wonderful people into my home- I'm having people over way more often, in fact I'm having an Idol watching/Ayyam-i-Ha party at my place on Thursday. If you are free stop by.
3. Clean out- I'm working on it. KK and I have set a date- March 15 to clear out all of the clutter. It's in progress.
4. Go to NEBY and Mardi Gras- done
5. Research and purchase laptop- done
6. Make specific requests to God through prayer- I'm working on it, but this one is so hard! I need some encouragement.

And there are others, but so far everything is in the works.


That's all I've got folks. Hopefully next time I sit down to the keyboard it will be much more exciting- I'll definitely have some good juicy starting on Wednesday through the weekend. Stay tuned.

No more heavy blog

My blog has been so heavy lately. And my life has not actually been heavy. Here are some non-heavy thoughts for you…

I looked down in my Styrofoam cup on the airplane I am riding on and was disturbed that my hot water with lemon had eaten little holes all around it. Where did that Styrofoam go? I am assuming my stomach at this point. I realized this, of course, after I had already had 3 cups full.

I reconnected with an old friend this weekend. My crazy Italiano/Persian friend, who is fabulous! I admire her so much. She is a person who had faults, realized them and turned her life around in order to be totally fulfilled and happy. Love you girl! Thank you for the time spent this weekend. Today was especially fun for me! I can't stop salivating over the cappuccino and cannoli!

I am officially not a fan of people who are aloof. I’m even less a fan of people who are unaware that they are hanging around with people who aloof. Hey chic- that guy does not know who you are, he doesn’t remember you- he’s aloof.

I’ve made it a personal mandate to recycle everything possible. I used to practice this way in Boulder. Megan had us down to sorting by the color of paper. Our recycling would be 2 trash bags worth, and our regular trash would be ½ of a bag. I stopped doing it when I moved to the “Land of Pollution” but I’m starting again. It almost killed me to throw away a water bottle at the airport today before going through security. I was tempted to pour the water into the trashcan and take the empty bottle home for recycling.

My super-human immune system almost took a hit this weekend. I woke up Saturday morning with daggers in my throat. I could barely swallow. I am proud to say that I did not come down with the three-week strep throat epidemic that all you Non-Lupus suckers are walking around with. My immune system bounced back, true to form, and I’m totally fine! Sometimes Lupus is great, except for that time that it tried to eat my kidney alive. I really think I have not been sick with a cold, flu or otherwise in over two and a half years. Migraines yes, sickies no.

Is it baseball season yet?

I bought the $340 suit I have been coveting for over 6 months for $39.99 (tax free) this weekend. What a victory!

Ayyam-i-Ha is next week. I love this time of year and am so looking forward to it! One of my best gal pals and I will be baking up a storm this week in preparation.

My neighbors down the street just took down their Christmas Tree- yes after V-Day. I was in shock, coming home from Boston last night and it just wasn't there. Wow

What are you up to?

You run away. Are you running now? You communicated with me, what are you doing? Is your purpose to get me in a room to beat me up? Or are you really ready to talk about the problems and issues? But are you running? Now that life on the other side of town has become so awful and complicated, are you running back to me? When the dust clears, will you tend to me, or will I be ceaselessly tending to you? And I am afraid I will turn back into the character in the book I am currenly reading:

If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog’s money, my dog’s time- everything. I will carry for you all of your pain, I will assume for you all of your debts, I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that there is almost no way to recover my energy.

Rainn, love, and other things...

Rainn Wilson smashed a guitar at this Conference in Stamford.

I wrote that of course because he said we would all write that in our blogs today. He was great! After smashing a guitar he made some great points about life, love and his relationship with God, all of which were laced with sarcasm and cursing. Thank God there is a real person out there in this Faith. His mix of realism and The Word of God were interesting.

A couple of quotes impacting me today:

Words are weak, love it speaks- Josh James

We should soar in love, not fall in love- Martin Kerr

The wisest women often don't speak- Benny Cassette

I look into your eyes and I know you deserve a better man- Andy Grammer

Seeking the approval of men is often the cause of imperiling the approval of God- Baha'u'llah


This morning I was overcome by a welling up of emotion- the emotion of love. I realized today that I have so much love to give, I am so full of this love that tears started streaming down my face- because I have no where to thwart that love. I have been holding back for so many years, not fully reaching my potential for loving and giving and serving people that I just am so ready to start using it. The really sad part came when I realized I currently have no where to give it, in the traditional sense, like to a life partner. I am glad to be falling in love with people (not in the romantic sense) but in the human capacity sense. I am in love with Maz and Gaz, I am madly in love with Cute D, I am in love with my new friend Sholeh- she's lovely, I love Cherie and Walt and Travis and all sorts of other people around the world. But where is that significant other? The one who is available to receive this love 24 hours a day? Where are you? I crave you. I think I never even had you when I was married. And so to my future spousal unit, I await you. As Cute D said to me today:

"Until God says it's time. So, we have to relax, take a deep breath (probably not the first you've taken today) and just wait it out. In faith. Because it's all in God's time. And, that's the way it is. No way to change it, and it won't help to fight it."

And so I wait, with patience.

The Best Date Ever

Thank you Cute D for a wonderful evening! It wasn't so much the going out, or the sushi, or the dessert back at your place, but just that you are amazing. We could have been fishing in a swamp in East Louisiana and had a great time. I cannot stop thinking about our evening and our conversations, and how "right" we are for one another. Thank you, thank you. I loved being "fierce" with you!

Perfectly Executed

I love a perfectly executed anything. I'm all about a perfectly executed event- birthdays, tea parties, dinner parties, etc. It makes my world go 'round. I love perfectly executed gifts- like when you find that one perfect thing for someone special in your life. I love perfectly executed errand running- the kind where you only make right-hand turns, never have to stop at a light and get in and out in half the time anticipated.

Today I have a perfectly executed morning- it sets the tone for the day. I woke up, showered, got dressed, dropped a load at the dry cleaner, stopped at Shipley's to pick up Knox's "2 Dozen Warm Glazed Donuts" and arrived at Cherie's 5 minutes early. There were no lines, no lights and no traffic stopping me. I loved it. I maximized sleep and minimized travel time...a perfect morning.

My afternoon on the other hand was not so perfect. I had a doctor appointment in the Med Center. I planned to ride the rail to the medical center and walk 1.5 blocks to the office, have my visit ( I planned to be the first after her lunch break so that I wouldn't have to wait) hop back on the rail and be back at the office in an hour and a half. Well...the Rail took much longer than promised on their web site, the block and a half was more like the distance of four city blocks, and my doctor was not running right on time. And so I practically missed what was supposed to be a perfectly fun afternoon at work. Cute D came up to have Starbucks and hung out for an hour, and I only got to see him for like one minute. But I've decided that the afternoon time debacle was everyone else's fault but mine- the transit authority was slow, the city planner screwed up the maps and my doctor...well she almost can't be helped.

I was able to make a comeback this evening. I came home from work, changed, washed and vacuumed the car, ran to Barnes & Noble to pick up a book and exchange a gift I bought for someone else, gas up at the cheapest place I could find and get home in less than 2 hours. Yes...making all right-hand turns.

I crashed

For some reason, once a month-- and no, not at "that time of the month," I completely crash out for 24 hours. I am thankful that it always seems to happen on a day when people aren't blowing up my phone, and waiting on me to show up somewhere, or when I have an appointment. It happened last night. I slept- like a dead person- for 12 solid hours. Who does that? Me...once a month.

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I received this email last night... while crashed out. KK, your words lifted me:

"... I don't want you to be scared about anything. I want you to feel safe and accomplished as a woman on her own...(then she went on to tell me about a scary thing that happened to her this week)...These are our lives and they are scary and ugly but there are so many more beautiful things and times for us to focus on so remember the good stuff when the bad stuff haunts you."

You know what to say and when, and I am so thankful that you are in my life. I prayed, before all of this happened to me, that God would surround me with wonderful people who would love and uplift me and give me strength. If this isn't a demonstration of the gift of exactly that, I don't know what is.

I Poo

This is funny!

I'm in love with a gay man

Cute D is my new boyfriend. We met a couple of nights ago out with friends at a bar and have been having a fabulous time ever since. After kickin' it 2 nights in a row, he had to leave on a jet plane for a number of days. You see he's a pilot- how sexy is that? I miss him terribly.

I need boy attention right now. And so after our second night out, I awoke to the sound of my text messaging alarm to find a sweet good morning text from Cute D himself laced with concern for my having gotten home in one piece. I love it. I feel so cared for, so adored. He tells me how fabulous I look without prompting, he looks at me with puppy dog eyes to show his sympathy, he embraces my enthusiasm for life and tells me how amazing I am. I, of course, am completely able to return the affection unhindered by any crazy emotions or expectations. We are friends, and I feel that our friendship will only continue to grow.

I am so thankful when really great people grace me with their presence. It brings a new energy to your life. It brings new intellectual stimulus. It is interesting all over again to share your life story and to hear theirs. I have been energized this whole weekend because of the energy he has brought to me. And I am looking forward, like nothing else, to getting to know him better.

Cute D, as I told you this morning, have fun no matter what you do today. Definitely eat pancakes tomorrow morning! And miss me until you return. I can't wait for Thursday.

J.

Just today

I saw a girl running with her kite by the lake I walk around on Saturday mornings. I loved seeing the colors of the kite shining in the sunlight.

I saw a young boy putting up his lemonade stand while I was on my walk. I asked if he would be open later today for business, as I think it is so important to support our young entrepreneurs- he informed me very matter-of-factly that he would be open tomorrow before lunch. I promised I would be back. As I walked around the neighborhood I saw his little hand-written posters hung all around directing people to his driveway. It is so cute!

I realized that I am beyond poor. And, even though I wanted to hold on to my house, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to. My first steps in lowering my monthly bills is removing Person A from all insurance policies, canceling the housekeeper, not using any electricity or gas (heating and cooling) and living on what I currently have in my refrigerator for as long as I can.

I saw that my hot water heater is leaking- that's not a good sign. I think it is rusting from the inside out. I'm not sure how much one of these costs, but I'm sure it is going to totally bust at the most inconvenient time.

I realized that my fence on the left side of my house is also falling in.

I got a notice from my home-owner's association that I have to have my house power-washed before March 4th.

I am going to the hair doctor. Thank God. I'm looking pretty ratty. Now I look like a rock star

I ate ice cream- fat free of course, but I still ate it.

My Friend Cherie

I have to write an 'Ode to Cherie'. She has certainly earned a very special place in my blog. Cherie and I have been friends now for about 6 years. For the last 2 years, she and her husband have lived down the street from me, in a house I coerced them to purchase for completely selfish reasons.

Cherie and I drive to work together every day. Most days I am still half asleep, but Cher is always awake ready to have a conversation about one of the following topics:

1. A dream she had the night before- usually involving some element of sci-fi, her dogs and a random person she and I conversed about the day before (or a combination thereof).
2. A prayer or writing she read that morning.
3. The traffic. This of course is a favorite topic, as we are always ever-present in traffic. It is Houston after all.

Let's talk about the traffic. Cherie spends the 45 minute commute being frustrated about her lane choices. Does anyone remember that scene in Office Space where the guy is driving to work, the lane that he is in is standing still while cars in the lane next to him are whizzing by and so he switches lanes- only for that lane to stand still and the lane he was once sitting in to be whizzing. This is what happens to us...every morning of every day.

Cherie is the most polite driver though. She lets people over, actually utilizes her blinker, and waves to thank people for letting her over in front of them. My philosophy for the morning commute is usually screw you, but I suppose those morning prayers are doing her a world of good.

Let's talk for a minute about the music in the morning. There is one album that dominates the morning commute- Shock Value. It just seems to bring us right into downtown and pump us up for the day ahead. Then there are the lyrics-- we all do it, well except Cherie, we all make up lyrics to songs when we are unsure of what the artist is actually saying. When I do this Cherie will stop the song and ask "what did they just say?" and when she does it, I will say "what did you just say?" Then I usually laugh histarically at the ridiculous word she has just made up to conveniently insert.

On the drive home we almost often times call her Motha, who we lovingly call by her first name "Sheila". I just realized that Sheila is a whole blog entry of her own and I will have to retire this part of the story for now.

And so the commuting goes...with my friend Cherie

"Old Skool Fools"

Mardi Gras

I've decided that there are two sides to every Mardi Gras. The first in the glamorous, extravagant, elaborate, glamorous balls, and spending way too much money on ridiculous items like plastic beads and glow sticks. Then there is the trashy side- yes, that's the side where unfortunate girls flash their goods for crappy 12 inch beads in the middle of the street for God and everyone to see, the side where just the sight of a sign "Show your Dick" will prompt 3 unsuspecting tourists to do as such, and of course the side that prompts photos like this- really what was it that prompted you to think this outfit was a good idea?



So I had the pleasure of experiencing both sides. I met up with my friend Julie from S.C. and she filled my dance card every minute of the day. Friday night we saw 4 parades and by the time it was all over with, it was like 2am. Then upon returning to my hotel room, the guys down the hall are just gearing up for their in-house party. The amazing thing about the lads down the hall from me is that not only do they party until 6am, but then they are up at 9am yelling all sorts of things. I just don't know how they do it, I would have anticipated peace from 6am until at least noon, but that would be a waste of beer drinking time I suppose. So nonetheless, I fell asleep to the building shaking and woke up to the same just a few hours later.

Bead earning- these dirty old men have bead trading down to a science. They barter with you on an individual level, supposedly this is the "gentlemanly" way of doing things- as opposed to just flashing random strangers in the street. So you pick the beads you want, flash 'em, and go on your merry way. It's really very simple. Yes, I earned a couple, but the best of all beads I received from the Bead Ferry who felt that I just had to have them. The problem is that these beads were gifted to me on the first night, and no other beads stood up to the quality of any other beads. I was jaded all weekend. I didn't want any other beads.

And about the beads- for some reason, you leave your comfortable home, with all of your valuables behind and venture to New Orleans to yearn for, chase after, risk loosing an eye for, and sometimes beg for plastic beads on a string. As soon as you step foot into the city limits you are reduced to thinking that the most important thing in the world is obtaining the biggest and most beautiful bead strand. And as soon as you drive away, you think, why did I just spend and exorbitant amount of hours picking up and wearing beads? Regardless you are having fun all the while.

The glamorous side of things goes like this. You pay a lot of money to attend a proper Mardi Gras Ball, Endymion is the one that I attended. It was in the Super Dome, 14 thousand people were there and they bring the Endymion parade right into the Super Dome and it is crazy. This is where I received a black eye. This guy went so crazy throwing beads that I was pelted right in the eye and was sure it would be black and blue by the morning. Julie of course just quips "sometimes you gotta catch 'em with your face." Great. Anyway, everyone was all dressed up in ball gowns and tuxes. The parade was great. The people were loads of fun...and the music was good, although I would not recommend listening to any Kevin Costner music. But the Go Go's and Cowboy Mouth were great. We closed the ball down. Well...us and the totally drunk girl in the red dress who couldn't stand up and obviously shouldn't have been attempting to walk on her own, or even breath on her own.

OK Court and Steph. Next year, the three of us are there. I know all the places to hang out and see. We must arrive on Thursday for the Muses parade, it is the best, it's the all girl parade. We can leave on Monday morning because there really is nothing going on after Sunday night's Bacchus parade. I'll make all of the arrangements, just clear your calendar and get some money together.