Friday, January 11, 2008

Week of emotions

I would say that I am a very open and honest emotionally. And I think that recognizing your emotions is very important. If you are happy, be happy. If you are sad, be sad. If you are in a solemn mood, be by yourself and honor that mood.

Every mood and emotion you experience in life is valid, no one can tell you otherwise. I have a friend from my childhood, who's father would decide what we were feeling. We would say something like "I'm hungry" and he would respond with "no you're not." Or we would say "We are tired" and again he would follow by saying "no you're not." This was usually at 7:00am on a Sunday after we had stayed up way too late the night before, knowing the whole time that he would wake us early to go to church.

I realized that my former roommate would do the exact same thing. I've decided in my adulthood and recent singleness that I can feel whatever I want, when I want to. And...if you don't like it, then leave me alone. If you want to be supportive, then be around.

This week, I have gone through the gamut of emotion:

depressed moments
sheer joy

The layers of my life are being revealed to me like the layers of an onion, one by one. Often times, I am more devastated by each peeling. Sometimes I am reminded of a happy moment. I feel as though I have been living in a cloud, not knowing what was just on the other side of that puff of white. The horrible part is that I didn't know I have been in a cloud. I thought I had been walking through life in the bright sunshine this whole time.

You look at others and it disgusts me
I feel violated and resent your having taken me
You took advantage
And are welcome no more.

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