Ahhhh, the relief of being connected again.
I just bought myself a little MAC laptop. It is going to be my new best friend. It's small and oh so cute and white to match all of my other electronic accessories in life like my IPOD and my Blackberry.
I didn't realize how disconnected I felt from the digital world and how crippling it can be to not have a computer at home. I couldn't MySpace, I couldn't Blog, I couldn't check my bank accounts and pay bills, I couldn't book plane tickets (which we all know is essential to my existence), I couldn't buy music, check my email or even keep up with all of the goss not going on in my world. Anyway, problem solved!
******
So I felt like a totally single woman today. I look down at the check-out at Target and examine what was in my basket-hairspray, a 4 pack of toilet paper, and cat litter. Lord, pin me up on a poster for single women now. And...I also feel like the cat lady.
******
Work was, yet again, crazy today. I think we served some 250 people for lunch today, had every conference room filled, and were bumping clients for other clients. I was so exhausted that I didn't even jog tonight- a task I have become religious about.
*******
In other news...I'm off to Mardi Gras tomorrow. Thank the Lord. I need another fun weekend. Wait I have a super fun weekend, uhm, every other weekend at this point. Two weeks ago- Nashville, this weekend- New Orleans, two weeks from now NEBY. I have got to cool my jets seriously before I declare bankruptcy from trips. But I am chalking it all up to keeping it all together during a "rough time."
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Clear Blue
I saw the most awful commercial yesterday! And I felt like I had to share it with you, my audience:
My favorite part is when you see the pee going for the wand. It' so exciting.
My favorite part is when you see the pee going for the wand. It' so exciting.
Friday, January 25, 2008
I wonder
Today for the first time I wondered what you were doing. What you were thinking? Where are you? Are you working? Are you praying? Are you thinking of me? Maybe even worrying about me? Do you miss your home and your cat? Is your bed comfortable? Are you drinking? Are you going to be alright?
I am going to be alright, and I think I am better now. It's amazing that when a person rids themselves of the largest stressor in their life how they can stand for 7 hours on marble and have no pain. It's also amazing how soundly I sleep now, and how I laugh, and enjoy my time with others and with myself. It's amazing that I haven't' done the dishes in a week, but they don't seem to bother me because they are mine and I'm too busy to do them. It's nice sleeping with the cats at the end of the bed and praying in my room with no TV blaring in the next one over. I like eating only yogurt w/ craisins and agave for dinner. I like jogging at night and no one telling me I can't go because it is unsafe. I like running to dinner with a friend at a moment's notice. I like taking an occasional nap at 7pm, waking up at 9:30pm and staying up late watching Iron Chef America. And most importantly I'm peaceful in my everyday life.
I am going to be alright, and I think I am better now. It's amazing that when a person rids themselves of the largest stressor in their life how they can stand for 7 hours on marble and have no pain. It's also amazing how soundly I sleep now, and how I laugh, and enjoy my time with others and with myself. It's amazing that I haven't' done the dishes in a week, but they don't seem to bother me because they are mine and I'm too busy to do them. It's nice sleeping with the cats at the end of the bed and praying in my room with no TV blaring in the next one over. I like eating only yogurt w/ craisins and agave for dinner. I like jogging at night and no one telling me I can't go because it is unsafe. I like running to dinner with a friend at a moment's notice. I like taking an occasional nap at 7pm, waking up at 9:30pm and staying up late watching Iron Chef America. And most importantly I'm peaceful in my everyday life.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Delving In
Tonight Maz carried us through an excercise in finding what our true dreams in life are. It was interesting to me to see which things were easy for me to identify and which things I was totally stumped on.
Easy to identify- my dream life. This is so easy: being a mom; a super career woman, planning events and wheelin' and dealin'; kicking Lupus' ass once and for all; having a bustling household filled with fun events with a random mix of people,.
Hard to identify- Immediate plan of action. I realized that I am very fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants right now. I couldn't identify things to do to work toward my goal that I could start on immediately. I finally came up with: stop eating pastries at work; find a new request for God; create a project for myself, which I later identified as cleaning all of the clutter from my house. Yes, that's pretty much waht I came up with.
Easy to identify- where I will be in 2010. Living in Boulder, in a little condo downtown; event planning for a huge company; in a healthy relationship wiht a whole person who completely understands me and I understand him; being active in the Baha'i community.
Hard to identify- where I am in the present. I just don't know how I feel or how I'm operating right now. I'm so stoic about my current situation, that it's almost scary. I did identify that: I am light in emotion and heavy in weight; I'm bored and lonely; I am career focussed; I have a loving family.
It's jus such an interesting activity to go through. I am having difficulty knowing if I am in denial or if I am at peace with my current situation. And it could all change tomorrow. I am having difficulty setting immediate goals but have no problem seeing into the future. How the two ends connect, I am unsure of, but hey always seem to meet up and be perfect.
Easy to identify- my dream life. This is so easy: being a mom; a super career woman, planning events and wheelin' and dealin'; kicking Lupus' ass once and for all; having a bustling household filled with fun events with a random mix of people,.
Hard to identify- Immediate plan of action. I realized that I am very fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants right now. I couldn't identify things to do to work toward my goal that I could start on immediately. I finally came up with: stop eating pastries at work; find a new request for God; create a project for myself, which I later identified as cleaning all of the clutter from my house. Yes, that's pretty much waht I came up with.
Easy to identify- where I will be in 2010. Living in Boulder, in a little condo downtown; event planning for a huge company; in a healthy relationship wiht a whole person who completely understands me and I understand him; being active in the Baha'i community.
Hard to identify- where I am in the present. I just don't know how I feel or how I'm operating right now. I'm so stoic about my current situation, that it's almost scary. I did identify that: I am light in emotion and heavy in weight; I'm bored and lonely; I am career focussed; I have a loving family.
It's jus such an interesting activity to go through. I am having difficulty knowing if I am in denial or if I am at peace with my current situation. And it could all change tomorrow. I am having difficulty setting immediate goals but have no problem seeing into the future. How the two ends connect, I am unsure of, but hey always seem to meet up and be perfect.
Some things are priceless
Last minute plane ticket to Nashville, TN $134.78
Fabulous DKNY bag purchase $64.30
New suede boots $27.56
All you can eat Sushi lunch buffet $10.97
Tickets to the Dancing with the Stars tour $0
Concert evening at the Mercer Lounge $0
A perfect day with the 2 people you love
most in your life Priceless
Fabulous DKNY bag purchase $64.30
New suede boots $27.56
All you can eat Sushi lunch buffet $10.97
Tickets to the Dancing with the Stars tour $0
Concert evening at the Mercer Lounge $0
A perfect day with the 2 people you love
most in your life Priceless
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Back on the Travel Scene
Not that I ever left, but it was starting to feel like it would be an eternity between trips. And with everything going on in my exciting life, the next one was taking wayyyy tooooo long to get here.
So I'm in Nashvegas now. You know, I hear it all of the time "Nashville has a great music scene." But didn't really believe it until just tonight. Gaz took me to a great music venue where there was a whole mish mash of bands playing one after one. They were all great! I enjoyed every last one of them, to the point that I would actually get their music and listen to it.
The evening's entertainment was followed by nothing less than the most perfect day. It is a magical force that comes to Gaz, Maz and I when we are together. There is spiritual connection, unity of thought, love, kindness, pure honesty, free spirited maneuvers, Sushi, shoes and the most fun interactions I have with any humans on this planet. I love being here with them. I am myself here. I laugh and cry in the same conversation. My emotions are heightened. And I feel like living. They are reason enough to get out of bed.
I restrained from the redicul-opathy which could have ensued during the shoe escapade part of our day, only purchasing one pair of shoes, which were much needed. And one bag. A nice bag. A great bag.
We saw the Dancing with the Stars tour tonight. Yeah, it was lame to say the best about it. Wayne Newton was there singing, if you can call it singing, it sounded more like mumbled groaning and straining, as if he was having a bowel movement. I'm not sure how else I could describe it. I even knew the songs he was singing and couldn't make out the lyrics. But the 87 year olds in the box we were in were all hot and bothered, and I'm glad for them.
Sushi, how I love thee.
Good night for now.
So I'm in Nashvegas now. You know, I hear it all of the time "Nashville has a great music scene." But didn't really believe it until just tonight. Gaz took me to a great music venue where there was a whole mish mash of bands playing one after one. They were all great! I enjoyed every last one of them, to the point that I would actually get their music and listen to it.
The evening's entertainment was followed by nothing less than the most perfect day. It is a magical force that comes to Gaz, Maz and I when we are together. There is spiritual connection, unity of thought, love, kindness, pure honesty, free spirited maneuvers, Sushi, shoes and the most fun interactions I have with any humans on this planet. I love being here with them. I am myself here. I laugh and cry in the same conversation. My emotions are heightened. And I feel like living. They are reason enough to get out of bed.
I restrained from the redicul-opathy which could have ensued during the shoe escapade part of our day, only purchasing one pair of shoes, which were much needed. And one bag. A nice bag. A great bag.
We saw the Dancing with the Stars tour tonight. Yeah, it was lame to say the best about it. Wayne Newton was there singing, if you can call it singing, it sounded more like mumbled groaning and straining, as if he was having a bowel movement. I'm not sure how else I could describe it. I even knew the songs he was singing and couldn't make out the lyrics. But the 87 year olds in the box we were in were all hot and bothered, and I'm glad for them.
Sushi, how I love thee.
Good night for now.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Kibosh
Kibosh is my new word. I use it all of the time. I think it has to do with the fact that I'm putting a kibosh on my life as I know it.
Kibosh on being unhappy
Kibosh on being taken advantage of
Kibosh on group activities
Kibosh on feeling like crap
Kibosh on not having a relationship with God
Kibosh on being unhealthy
Kibosh on not being appreciated!
So, use it, embrace it, put a Kibosh on the things you loathe!
Kibosh on being unhappy
Kibosh on being taken advantage of
Kibosh on group activities
Kibosh on feeling like crap
Kibosh on not having a relationship with God
Kibosh on being unhealthy
Kibosh on not being appreciated!
So, use it, embrace it, put a Kibosh on the things you loathe!
Friday, January 11, 2008
Week of emotions
I would say that I am a very open and honest emotionally. And I think that recognizing your emotions is very important. If you are happy, be happy. If you are sad, be sad. If you are in a solemn mood, be by yourself and honor that mood.
Every mood and emotion you experience in life is valid, no one can tell you otherwise. I have a friend from my childhood, who's father would decide what we were feeling. We would say something like "I'm hungry" and he would respond with "no you're not." Or we would say "We are tired" and again he would follow by saying "no you're not." This was usually at 7:00am on a Sunday after we had stayed up way too late the night before, knowing the whole time that he would wake us early to go to church.
I realized that my former roommate would do the exact same thing. I've decided in my adulthood and recent singleness that I can feel whatever I want, when I want to. And...if you don't like it, then leave me alone. If you want to be supportive, then be around.
This week, I have gone through the gamut of emotion:
happy
sad
angry
embarrassment
hate
loneliness
depressed moments
sheer joy
rage
relief
empathy
fear
loathing
resentment
hope
The layers of my life are being revealed to me like the layers of an onion, one by one. Often times, I am more devastated by each peeling. Sometimes I am reminded of a happy moment. I feel as though I have been living in a cloud, not knowing what was just on the other side of that puff of white. The horrible part is that I didn't know I have been in a cloud. I thought I had been walking through life in the bright sunshine this whole time.
You look at others and it disgusts me
I feel violated and resent your having taken me
You took advantage
And are welcome no more.
Every mood and emotion you experience in life is valid, no one can tell you otherwise. I have a friend from my childhood, who's father would decide what we were feeling. We would say something like "I'm hungry" and he would respond with "no you're not." Or we would say "We are tired" and again he would follow by saying "no you're not." This was usually at 7:00am on a Sunday after we had stayed up way too late the night before, knowing the whole time that he would wake us early to go to church.
I realized that my former roommate would do the exact same thing. I've decided in my adulthood and recent singleness that I can feel whatever I want, when I want to. And...if you don't like it, then leave me alone. If you want to be supportive, then be around.
This week, I have gone through the gamut of emotion:
happy
sad
angry
embarrassment
hate
loneliness
depressed moments
sheer joy
rage
relief
empathy
fear
loathing
resentment
hope
The layers of my life are being revealed to me like the layers of an onion, one by one. Often times, I am more devastated by each peeling. Sometimes I am reminded of a happy moment. I feel as though I have been living in a cloud, not knowing what was just on the other side of that puff of white. The horrible part is that I didn't know I have been in a cloud. I thought I had been walking through life in the bright sunshine this whole time.
You look at others and it disgusts me
I feel violated and resent your having taken me
You took advantage
And are welcome no more.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Stick It has been replaced
I don't like to go to the movies, I don't rent movies, I don't watch movies on TV.
So when my very good friend Cherie, who loves movies more than live itself, asks to go to the movies on her birthday, I have to oblige. And then, the movie choice came: Alien vs. Predator was the choice. This was, without a doubt, the worst movie ever made, in all of the history of movies. In my life, thus far, the battle of the cheerleaders movie "Stick It" has been the worst move ever made. Alien vs. Predator surpasses it 10 times over in the categories of bad acting, poor cinematography, and total lack of story line.
Here were 2 hours of my life that I can never get back, ever. Thanks Cher, I owe you one.
So when my very good friend Cherie, who loves movies more than live itself, asks to go to the movies on her birthday, I have to oblige. And then, the movie choice came: Alien vs. Predator was the choice. This was, without a doubt, the worst movie ever made, in all of the history of movies. In my life, thus far, the battle of the cheerleaders movie "Stick It" has been the worst move ever made. Alien vs. Predator surpasses it 10 times over in the categories of bad acting, poor cinematography, and total lack of story line.
Here were 2 hours of my life that I can never get back, ever. Thanks Cher, I owe you one.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Honesty in the new year
Here's some hard honesty for 2008
I would rather be living in Boulder
I wish I had stayed with Double B's when I had the chance
I am in debt and I'm OK with it
I haven't prayed consistently for 6 years and my Faith has suffered for it
I will be divorced by 2009
I want Hillary to win
I have Lupus
I yearn for the presence of Gaz and Maz everyday
I wish I could move in with KK
I really want J! to text me
I really want he to call Gaz
I really want Maz to fall madly in love and get married
I hate the person I have become over the last 5 years
I want me back
I would rather be living in Boulder
I wish I had stayed with Double B's when I had the chance
I am in debt and I'm OK with it
I haven't prayed consistently for 6 years and my Faith has suffered for it
I will be divorced by 2009
I want Hillary to win
I have Lupus
I yearn for the presence of Gaz and Maz everyday
I wish I could move in with KK
I really want J! to text me
I really want he to call Gaz
I really want Maz to fall madly in love and get married
I hate the person I have become over the last 5 years
I want me back
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
A new motto for a new year
Gaz and I coined it for 2008- Find myself, my joy and live as honestly and richly as I can.
That's it, the goal, the mandate.
This new year started not quite as I had planned, but then again, I always say that I couldn't have written a better story for my own life than the one I am living. The good news is that 2008 actually holds a lot of promise, unlike years in the past where I have dreaded going into January 1st with the same resignation that I've had for years.
This year promises verve, and happiness, and lightness, and life, and love, and liberty, and travel, and relaxation, and re-newed friendships, and re-freshed faith, and an endless array of other possibilities. I'm actually really excited about moving forward with my life, instead of being in a state of limbo. The state of limbo was killing me and weighing me down. This new lightness is very refreshing. I wouldn't say it's great or fun or anything I would recommend, but it is refreshing.
My friend said to me- you know, I was thinking about your situation and all of the possibilities ahead of you. You can now go anywhere and travel and buy what you want or move where you want or do whatever job you want. And it's true, my whole life is once again ahead of me- and it's so exciting.
We are good- Gaz, Maz and KK- we are good!
That's it, the goal, the mandate.
This new year started not quite as I had planned, but then again, I always say that I couldn't have written a better story for my own life than the one I am living. The good news is that 2008 actually holds a lot of promise, unlike years in the past where I have dreaded going into January 1st with the same resignation that I've had for years.
This year promises verve, and happiness, and lightness, and life, and love, and liberty, and travel, and relaxation, and re-newed friendships, and re-freshed faith, and an endless array of other possibilities. I'm actually really excited about moving forward with my life, instead of being in a state of limbo. The state of limbo was killing me and weighing me down. This new lightness is very refreshing. I wouldn't say it's great or fun or anything I would recommend, but it is refreshing.
My friend said to me- you know, I was thinking about your situation and all of the possibilities ahead of you. You can now go anywhere and travel and buy what you want or move where you want or do whatever job you want. And it's true, my whole life is once again ahead of me- and it's so exciting.
We are good- Gaz, Maz and KK- we are good!
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