New Standard

I figured out the new standard- if my level of enthusiasm about you doesn't meet the enthusiasm I have for Cute D, you are probably not for me. And if your enthusiasm for me doesn't meet or exceed the enthusiasm that Cute D shows toward me, then I'm definitely not right for you.

Also, the moon was half full yesterday. No madness should have been happening in all of our lives.

What was the moon?

What phase was the moon in tonight? I need to know because all of the people who are near and dear to my heart had a a horrible day.

Gaz, what is goin' on, I don't know what happened, but I'm sorry to hear you were in bed at 9:15pm

Court, your tummy hurt and then my Ayyam-i-Ha package didn't arrive as scheduled

Cute D, not doin' so hot this morning, anxiety all day, refusing phone calls, but thank God for church rejuvenation

Me, cried here and there all day, woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and for no good reason

OK, J! and KK you get the prize for not having a bad day.

I'm going to bed to end my bad day once and for all-- since Gaz, Court and Cute D are already there.

What to write...

OK, so Mr. Anonymous Cute D, you are anonymous no more. He's the one on the right...



FYI- I am the one reaping all of the benefit of you being so great!

KK begged me to blog tonight, and so I have been racking my brain on what to blog about. I feel so boring right now. I have no idea, but here goes...

Gaz sent me this awful thing from You Tube all about how ewwww the lemon slices that you get on your ice tea in a restaurant are. I'll spare you the clip, but just know that you probably shouldn't ask for a lemon on your ice tea in a restaurant.

I had drinks (well I didn't have a drink, I had club soda with lime) with Juliet, Wes and KK tonight. What a blast. I totally miss those guys. And I told them all about it. I miss having a ton of people to talk to at work. And lunch dates everyday. Actually, how about we all give it up for a lunch break- which I never have anymore. Someone to cry with when I need it. 30 minute coffee breaks morning and afternoon. Political and sports word exchanges constantly. Ahhh what a life.

If you've been checking me out on Facebook, you know that I've been wrapping Ayyam-i-Ha presents for two days now. Well add a third because I'm spending this evening doing more. It's never ending. Of course, if you know me, you know that I LOVE IT!!! Let me wrap. Better yet, let me bake. I love baking, never take time out to do it, but I love it. For those of you who have been hanging around for a while, you know what is coming to you tomorrow on your desk. For those of you who don't, it will be a whole new surprise.

I remembered that I love the song "The Old Apartment" by BNL. It's such a rocky love song. Drudges up good old memories too!

I am well aware that it is like 2 months after Christmas, but I just found these great pictures I took while at my aunt's house for the Holiday. Plus this totally cracks me up because my dad is so funny. So over my aunt's sink she has these little cut out houses that sit in her window sill, each has its own letter--N O E L. Of course it's supposed to say NOEL. But when my dad arrives on Christmas Eve, he immediately rearranges the letters, in stealth mode of course. So each morning during our stay the letters spell something different like---LEON, or LONE, or ONE L. It cracked me up today because I took a photo with my phone each morning and I just found them again.

I guess I should update you on some goals I made a couple of months ago with Maz and Gaz.

1. Read: Eat, pray, love- reading it now. It's good. If you are going through a bad breakup and don't know why, read it.
2. Invite wonderful people into my home- I'm having people over way more often, in fact I'm having an Idol watching/Ayyam-i-Ha party at my place on Thursday. If you are free stop by.
3. Clean out- I'm working on it. KK and I have set a date- March 15 to clear out all of the clutter. It's in progress.
4. Go to NEBY and Mardi Gras- done
5. Research and purchase laptop- done
6. Make specific requests to God through prayer- I'm working on it, but this one is so hard! I need some encouragement.

And there are others, but so far everything is in the works.


That's all I've got folks. Hopefully next time I sit down to the keyboard it will be much more exciting- I'll definitely have some good juicy starting on Wednesday through the weekend. Stay tuned.

No more heavy blog

My blog has been so heavy lately. And my life has not actually been heavy. Here are some non-heavy thoughts for you…

I looked down in my Styrofoam cup on the airplane I am riding on and was disturbed that my hot water with lemon had eaten little holes all around it. Where did that Styrofoam go? I am assuming my stomach at this point. I realized this, of course, after I had already had 3 cups full.

I reconnected with an old friend this weekend. My crazy Italiano/Persian friend, who is fabulous! I admire her so much. She is a person who had faults, realized them and turned her life around in order to be totally fulfilled and happy. Love you girl! Thank you for the time spent this weekend. Today was especially fun for me! I can't stop salivating over the cappuccino and cannoli!

I am officially not a fan of people who are aloof. I’m even less a fan of people who are unaware that they are hanging around with people who aloof. Hey chic- that guy does not know who you are, he doesn’t remember you- he’s aloof.

I’ve made it a personal mandate to recycle everything possible. I used to practice this way in Boulder. Megan had us down to sorting by the color of paper. Our recycling would be 2 trash bags worth, and our regular trash would be ½ of a bag. I stopped doing it when I moved to the “Land of Pollution” but I’m starting again. It almost killed me to throw away a water bottle at the airport today before going through security. I was tempted to pour the water into the trashcan and take the empty bottle home for recycling.

My super-human immune system almost took a hit this weekend. I woke up Saturday morning with daggers in my throat. I could barely swallow. I am proud to say that I did not come down with the three-week strep throat epidemic that all you Non-Lupus suckers are walking around with. My immune system bounced back, true to form, and I’m totally fine! Sometimes Lupus is great, except for that time that it tried to eat my kidney alive. I really think I have not been sick with a cold, flu or otherwise in over two and a half years. Migraines yes, sickies no.

Is it baseball season yet?

I bought the $340 suit I have been coveting for over 6 months for $39.99 (tax free) this weekend. What a victory!

Ayyam-i-Ha is next week. I love this time of year and am so looking forward to it! One of my best gal pals and I will be baking up a storm this week in preparation.

My neighbors down the street just took down their Christmas Tree- yes after V-Day. I was in shock, coming home from Boston last night and it just wasn't there. Wow

What are you up to?

You run away. Are you running now? You communicated with me, what are you doing? Is your purpose to get me in a room to beat me up? Or are you really ready to talk about the problems and issues? But are you running? Now that life on the other side of town has become so awful and complicated, are you running back to me? When the dust clears, will you tend to me, or will I be ceaselessly tending to you? And I am afraid I will turn back into the character in the book I am currenly reading:

If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog’s money, my dog’s time- everything. I will carry for you all of your pain, I will assume for you all of your debts, I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that there is almost no way to recover my energy.

Rainn, love, and other things...

Rainn Wilson smashed a guitar at this Conference in Stamford.

I wrote that of course because he said we would all write that in our blogs today. He was great! After smashing a guitar he made some great points about life, love and his relationship with God, all of which were laced with sarcasm and cursing. Thank God there is a real person out there in this Faith. His mix of realism and The Word of God were interesting.

A couple of quotes impacting me today:

Words are weak, love it speaks- Josh James

We should soar in love, not fall in love- Martin Kerr

The wisest women often don't speak- Benny Cassette

I look into your eyes and I know you deserve a better man- Andy Grammer

Seeking the approval of men is often the cause of imperiling the approval of God- Baha'u'llah


This morning I was overcome by a welling up of emotion- the emotion of love. I realized today that I have so much love to give, I am so full of this love that tears started streaming down my face- because I have no where to thwart that love. I have been holding back for so many years, not fully reaching my potential for loving and giving and serving people that I just am so ready to start using it. The really sad part came when I realized I currently have no where to give it, in the traditional sense, like to a life partner. I am glad to be falling in love with people (not in the romantic sense) but in the human capacity sense. I am in love with Maz and Gaz, I am madly in love with Cute D, I am in love with my new friend Sholeh- she's lovely, I love Cherie and Walt and Travis and all sorts of other people around the world. But where is that significant other? The one who is available to receive this love 24 hours a day? Where are you? I crave you. I think I never even had you when I was married. And so to my future spousal unit, I await you. As Cute D said to me today:

"Until God says it's time. So, we have to relax, take a deep breath (probably not the first you've taken today) and just wait it out. In faith. Because it's all in God's time. And, that's the way it is. No way to change it, and it won't help to fight it."

And so I wait, with patience.

The Best Date Ever

Thank you Cute D for a wonderful evening! It wasn't so much the going out, or the sushi, or the dessert back at your place, but just that you are amazing. We could have been fishing in a swamp in East Louisiana and had a great time. I cannot stop thinking about our evening and our conversations, and how "right" we are for one another. Thank you, thank you. I loved being "fierce" with you!