A time for reflection

It has been such a long time since I sat in bed with my laptop and wrote all that was in my heart. Today I have been afforded the opportunity to do that and it feels so good. Sitting. Quietly. Alone. With only my thoughts.

I have recognized for quite a few months that the life I have been living would be temporary. A temporary band-aid for what was actually happening in my reality. You see, if you spend each day and night surrounded by people that you have limited to no connectivity to, you can easily stay distracted from all else in your life. Living in the day-to-day is so fun, and yet so unfulfilling at the same time. But I do not live with regret any more. And so I do not regret any of the time spent, or any of the places I frequent or the people I have been surrounded by. But I do realize that this fleeting time in my life is coming to an end. I feel it to my core. I think it in my mind and feel it in my stomach. This time was necessary to re-discover myself. And now that I have done so, I am preparing to settle back to a very happy medium where I have balance between real life and the fun distractions.

Tomorrow morning I find out if Person A has contested anything. And if he has not, then it is over. What could have been a battle will not happen. So I can begin the process of closing this chapter of my life. My dad arrives tomorrow to start work on my house, preparing it for market. I have already moved all of my earthly belongings back to my house and am ready to sleep in my own bed-- which I have not done in over two months. I need to start re-connecting with those people who are so special to me in my life, but who I have not called back for weeks and months. It's time to reel my life back in and it starts tomorrow.

This life lesson has taught me so much. It has provided me with the opportunity to grow and change as I have never done before. I feel as if God is preparing me for something great in my future, which is yet to be revealed-- a task which I could not have succeeded at without this. I recognize that my emotional strength is great right now and that my ability to forgive is vast. It has brought certain people, whom I would call my angels, closer to me. This experience has shown me what my true priorities are and that I can embrace them in a hierarchy that will not impair my station in this world.

I just have to mention these individuals who have stepped forward to keep me safe:

Double B's- if I did not have the knowledge of what it is like to be cherished and loved completely unconditionally, I could never have gone through this. Experiencing what you gave me 7 years ago, gave me the hope that I could have it again. Thank you for respecting me, believing in me, loving me, and accepting me exactly the way that I am. Your continued presence in my life pulls my heartstrings, but gives me hope that one day I will be loved as you once loved me.

KK- you were there on the first night, offering shelter and compassion and hearing my every word for months, day in and day out. I can never repay you for the support you provided me and continue to provide for me.

Court- you present yourself daily, "just checking in" to make sure I am ok. And though often times I am overwhelmed and do not call you back, I am so glad that you are there anytime I pick up the phone. Thank you for being patient and loving, even when I wasn't the greatest on the other end.

Linda- who I think has officially re-named me "Damn It Jen" loves me so unconditionally that I don't even understand it. I have been so terrible at keeping up the communication lines, and yet you still thwart your sisterly/motherly love on me constantly. I love you so much and thank you for your persistence.

Jules- You rescued me when I was in the lowest of low places. That day that I realized I could no longer stay in my house by myself- you pulled me out. And everyday that I would go home and get into bed to sleep away the depression and my reality, you pulled me out. And still to this day, despite the extreme hardships you endure, you continue to pull me out of my slumps. You are there with me during my highs and refuse to let me have lows.

Gold Reeves- Where do I start? You and I have been through it all together. Our bond never weakening- EVER! For you to lend support even when you yourself were going through great trauma will take a lifetime for me to re-pay. You are there for me no matter the day or time, no matter what I am going through or what you are going through. You and I will always be.

There are so many others of you out there who have cared for me, and I thank you. I will be working fervently to redistribute my energies back to those I love.