Ups and Downs

I had this thought the other day: "Is this all there is?" Is my life actually adding up to a lump sum of single events and individual meetings of people who I will never see again? And I got really sad.

Then I re-reflected and decided that it's ok, what I'm doing right now, how I'm living my life. I know that it's temporary, and the single events are temporary.

Then I vacillate back to feeling sad about having no purpose at this time. And then right back to just having fun.

But I also have ups and downs emotionally. One day I'm really fine, working and happy and caught up in my world. Optimistic about the future and the things to come. I think that at some point I must have done something great in my life to deserve to be given the gift of a true life partner, a best friend who is the number one in my life and I in theirs. I hold the hope of a future of a strong family focussed on The Faith in front of me daily. And then I stop and think about the real possibility of being alone for eternity, never loving again and never being loved. There is real possibility that I might never have a family life. And there is an even better possibility that I may never again have a soul connection with someone. And I am so sad just at the thought.

This year is tough. It must be for everyone going through it. One of the only people I know intimately who has been through this year and who I relate to is Gold Reeves. Thank God I can call her with every up and every down, with every mad episode, and every moment of clarity. And the voicemail that I save and listen to almost everyday is from her heart-- essentially she reminds me that the light on the other end is so great that I must keep going. Thank you for that.