The house that Zac built

So yesterday Julia took me where she has been staying...near her new work...otherwise known as "The House that Zac Built"

When you meet people, you always create pre-conceived notions in your head about what car they drive or what their house is like. Now, I am familiar with the area of town that this house is located in, so I had anticipated a 2 story house decked with Persian rugs and nice artifacts. I also, knowing Zac, anticipated a little bit of madness and messiness, but I never anticipated what I found.

House Rules:

1. Never lock the doors
2. In fact, never lock the doors and leave them ajar at all times during the day
3. If for some reason the doors are locked, don't worry, there are various windows through which you can crawl
4. Never run the air conditioner, even if it is 102 degrees and 87% humidity.
5. No real food is allowed, only left overs and a bottle of spicy mustard
6. Do not disturb Zac during nap time (between the hours of 3pm and 5pm)
7. Have random bottles of open liquor, wine and beer all over
8. Never throw anything away
9. Clutter is desired
10. The garage is always open and the keys to the Porsche are at your disposal at all times
11. Nothing can match-- not furniture, appliances, blinds, nor throw pillows
12. Walk into the house and expect an argument
13. Always keep more lawn furniture than real furniture
14. Do not put your clothes away
15. If you are in the bathroom and Zac is in the other bathroom, just open a window so you can communicate better
16. You can set your own curfew, but no matter what time it is, it's unacceptable
17. Don't bother calling the house phone, as they are all turned down to silent
18. Furniture is best displayed when shoved in a corner, stacked on top of each other, and disheveled
19. Nothing over $20 value is allowed in the house because...well see #1-3
20. All lamps must have burned out light bulbs
21. No showers allowed, if you want to shower, go to the Houstonia
22. Please blow dry your hair in the kitchen, as this is far more suitable than disturbing the master of the house
23. No drama (hysterical)
24. Why have one cell phone when you can have 3 that you don't know the numbers to?

And I could go on...

The place is falling down. He likes that people think he's a maniac. He loves that people think he is poor- uhm, 3 Porsche's and a Hummer don't contradict that at all. And come on, he loves the drama.

All that being said, he's a character and his house reflects it--but you gotta have a soft spot in your heart for the guy.