My theme song for this year

Shine- by David Gray

I can see it in your eyes
What I know in my heart is true
That our love it has faded
Like the summer run through
So we'll walk down the shoreline
One last time together
Feel the wind blow our wandering hearts
Like a feather
But who knows whats waiting
In the wings of time
Dry your eyes
We gotta go where we can shine

Dont be hiding in sorrow
Or clinging to the past
With your beauty so precious
And the season so fast
No matter how cold the horizon appears
Or how far the first night
When I held you near
You gotta rise from these ashes
Like a bird of flame
Step out of the shadow
Weve gotta go where we can shine

For all that we struggle
For all we pretend
It don't come down to nothing
Except love in the end
And ours is a road
That is strewn with goodbyes
But as it unfolds
As it all unwinds
Remember your soul is the one thing
You cant compromise
Take my hand
Were gonna go where we can shine
Were gonna go where we can shine
Were gonna go where we can shine

(and look, and look)
Through the windows of midnight
Moonfoam and silver

The great announcement

So it took only about an hour for my aunt, whom I love, to say "OK Jenny, so when are you going to dish?" My aunt and I have a great relationship. She and I can speak so frankly to each other, and what others may think is a strained conversation, is actually a loving conversation. She speaks her mind and I understand her. So I sat in the living room and told my entire family what had been going on over the last 5 years. Again I am received with some great support and love.

My Grammi says "Life is too short to be unhappy, and I'm really glad you stood up for yourself."

My uncle follows with "Men who cannot handle strong women, have issues."

And my cousin, in classic form says "I'm just going to stay out of it."

Thank God that is over and that my family is the greatest!

Home sweet Home

There is something magical about being back in your parent's home, back with the people who know you best and where things rarely change. Why is it so comforting to know that the q-tips are under the right side of the vanity in the master bathroom? And that my Mom will always have an assortment of at least 15 kinds of tea? And, annoying as it is, that there are only left-handed scissors in the kitchen and sewing room, but the right-handed scissors are only found in my brother's room? Or that there is a dimmer switch in the upstairs bathroom because my brother hates bright light first thing in the morning, so he practically takes a shower in the dark? And how about the part about how your family will back you up no matter what is going on in your life, and that they are always there for you?

My Dad and I always go the day before Christmas Eve to purchase a lovely gag gift for my grandmother who is aging by the day, but who remains a good sport. She always finds some use for the gift that we so lovingly pick out. We always break down laughing in the store where it is purchased, then rush home to show my mom, who is not equally amused, and I think feels as though on some level, we are abusing my grandmother.

I also love driving across Missouri with the parents the exact same way every time. We stop at the QT at Mid Rivers Mall Drive to fill up, then drive west to the first exit for Colombia to get Burger King, then head into the PRK. My Dad always announces when we have crossed into what we call the "PRK" or the People's Republic of Kansas. My Dad always calls when we are about 40 minutes away to alert everyone of the exact moment we will arrive.

The comfort in these events makes me smile, and even though everything in life is changing rapidly, there are some constants to come home to. I love you guys!

I'm Fine

KK and I sit here, another night, battleshipping. She writing deep and meaningful things, and I trying to do the same.

I am fine. Really. I haven't felt this fine in so long. I wish people would stop feeling sorry for me. If I've talked to you in the last couple of days, I've made this point clear. On Sunday I started feeling guilty that I didn't feel like curling up in a ball and sobbing my eyeballs out. But I just don't. I was told to pray for protection. I have been, nightly. It's helping. Calling on your true inner strength from the only source you can draw completely on, totally works. I'm so thankful for my Faith in God. Without it I might be falling apart. I also owe a world of gratitude to Kathy Grammer for helping me tap into my intuition. I actually listen when I feel sick to my stomach about something. I am relying on this tool all of the time now, and it is working for me. I haven't felt sick to my stomach for a long time, and usually it's an everyday occurrence.

Eggs can mean so much

So today I witnessed a miraculous thing. This morning, as I was getting up and milling around getting ready, I saw Kevin in the kitchen cooking eggs. Two days before I had seen him making eggs for Baby I, which I think is really cool, but then he put the eggs and toast on a plate, grabbed a diet coke and headed into KK's room. Wow, Kevin got up early, made KK eggs and took them to her in her room where she was getting ready. I mean, that is almost breakfast in bed. And that is crazy great. I was in shock. Granted, I have been told by KK herself that it isn't always like this and while he has his great moments, he also has his bad ones. But to me, this was awesome! I think if this had happened one time in the last 7 years, I would stick around. At this point that would even be enough for me to stay.

Poll question of the day- Do you have more good days than bad days in your marriage?

Result- 99% Yes, 1% No

I never knew it could be bliss.

Hmmmmmmmm

You bring sunshine

J! I don't know what to say. 2am hasn't seemed so great in so long- probably because I haven't had any reason to stay up so late, and I had forgotten what 2am looks like. Usually, I can't wait to get to bed- to forget about everything that is going on in life. It's my time to relax, but I've grown to love this time of night, as I once did when living in Haifa. Thank you for the sunshine you bring me every day.

Gaz and Maz- KK and I have started tabletime on Marblepointe- which Kevin is calling "Battleship". Ours is consisting of listening to Coldplay and KK drinking a glass of wine, while I sip on some tea.